


This Is Real Life

by Rosalita_Sanz



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bi-Curious Dean Winchester, Cas/Ash mild, Dark past Castiel, F/M, Gay Castiel, M/M, Nervousness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Player Dean, Socially Awkward Castiel, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-08-10 16:13:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7852135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalita_Sanz/pseuds/Rosalita_Sanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel thought he had met his prince charming when he met Dean.  But he was so far from that. He should have seen it from miles away.  They dated for five years for Christ’s sakes; there were red flags just about everywhere.</p><p>Now he laid in his bed crying. He wondered if marrying this man was a mistake.<br/>... </p><p>The story will be told as Castiel looks back at his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was early May in 2011 and Castiel was at the wedding reception of his cousin Uriel’s wedding when he met Dean.  Castiel had just turned 17 and Dean looked so hot and inappropriately old at 21 years of age, which was great combination to turn him on.  He looked so hot in his black skinny jeans and fitted blue shirt.  His hair looked so perfect combed back and he had to fight the urge to run his hands thru it and mess it up.

Balthazar took notice of the way his little cousin Castiel was looking at Dean and decided to test his luck.

“Oh Cassie, if you stare at him any longer I’m afraid you’ll burn a hole thru him.”

Castiel hadn’t notice he was being so obvious and turned crimson red. 

“Hey, no need to be embarrassed.  If I wasn’t straight I’d probably be drooling too.”

“I am not drooling, and I haven’t been staring at him enough to burn holes thru him, as you say.  I literally just noticed him.”  Suddenly feeling his mouth dry he took his cup of water and drank the whole thing in one gulp.

“If you want I can introduce you two.   He’s my girlfriend’s brother.”

Castiel’s eyes opened wide.  “He’s Joanna’s brother? They look nothing alike.”

Balthazar leaned into Castiel and practically whispered.  “That’s because Jo is adopted.  It’s a long story.  But if you want I can introduce you to him.”

“I don’t know Balth, I feel like I’ll mess it up.  I’m no good in first impressions.  Plus, I don’t even know if he likes guys” Castiel could feel his anxiety starting to build in his stomach.

“I wouldn’t be pressing you to talk to him if he didn’t like guys. Hey, if he doesn’t find you interesting it’s his loss.”

It took some pushing from Balthazar’s part, but finally Castiel agreed to talk to Dean.  So he wasted no time and went to talk to Dean, who was currently at the bar ordering a drink. 

“Hey Dean”, he tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.  “You should take my younger cousin out to dance, his name is Castiel.”  He got a questioning look from Dean and added, “he’s the one I was sitting next to while we were eating.” 

Dean wasted no time and turned to the table across the hall.  “Dude, he’s a kid.” 

“Come on, he’s been staring at you since we got here.  It’s kind of hard to watch.  At least talk to him, I’ll introduce you two.  You would make his day.”  Balthazar pleaded.

“I don’t want to get in trouble with his parents Balth.  Wouldn’t they get mad?  I mean-“

“Don’t worry.  They’ll actually be happy if they see Castiel talking to you.  He has a lot of trouble socializing with people.  So when he talks to people, they don’t care who it is, how old they are, what they look like, or anything, they’re just glad to see him open up. “

“So you think that because he showed some interest in me that he’ll be ok with talking with me then?”

“Yes, so what do you say?  You don’t have to dance with him if you feel uncomfortable.  But at least talk to him.”

“Okay Balth, but I swear if I get in trouble with his parents you have got to step in and explain your plan.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Don’t worry Dean.”

This is a conversation that Castiel was oblivious to.  He would find out about it a year later.  He had thought that Dean had been as excited as he was to meet him.

“Hey Cassie, this here is Dean, Joanna’s cousin.”  He motioned Castiel to Dean.  “Dean, this is my younger cousin Castiel, he goes to the same high school as your sister Charlie I believe.” He said while motioning Dean to Castiel.

“Hi Castiel”, Dean said extending his hand to Castiel.

Castiel could feel his whole face turn red _, God his voice is just so damn sexy_.  “H-hi”, he managed to say while he shook the green eyed man.  God he was even hotter up close, his eyes were mesmerizing.

“So you go to Lawrence High too?”  Dean said as he pulled out a chair to sit next to when Castiel sat.

“Yeah.”

Dean noticed that he wasn’t going to get much out of the poor guy.  He was clearly very nervous.  So he decided to make things easy and be the one to make the conversation.

“My sister has never brought you over I believe.  I’m pretty sure I would remember you.”  He said while sending Castiel a crooked smile.

 _OMG he would remember me? What?! Okay, Castiel keep your shit together._ He thought.  “I didn’t know that Charlie is your sister.  She’s a year ahead of me so we have never talked.  I have a class with her this year, but…”

“So you’re a Junior?”  Cas nodded.

“You must be a genius or something.  Did you skip a couple of grades?”

Castiel tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. Dean couldn’t help but find it adorable.

“ummm, no..”

“How old are you?”

“I’m seventeen.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at his own stupidness.  Castiel just sat there staring at him.  He didn’t understand what was going on.  Was he being made fun of?

“I’m sorry I thought you were much younger.  Hey it’s a good trait, when you get to be 30 or 40 you’ll look ten years younger.”

“Yeah I get that a lot, when family members see me and Alfie, my younger brother together. They always think that I’m the youngest and he’s the oldest.  I am almost five years older than him.”

Dean let out a low chuckle.  “I bet it must be annoying for you both.  If my younger brother Sam and I were confused like that I know we would get annoyed.”

“yeah it is.”

Dean and Castiel spent the rest of the night talking. Eventually some girls who Castiel later came to find out were Dean’s cousins came and took Dean away to dance.

Castiel went back home and dreamed about Dean and his sexy voice.

Two weeks later he saw Dean again.

Balthazar was going to go out with Joanna to the mall and decided to take some cousins along since Joanna had invited a couple friends.

Balthazar went over to Castiel’s for breakfast.  “Hey Cassie, Joanna and I are going to the mall.  She’s bringing a couple of friends so I thought I’d bring you and Gabriel along.  What you say?”

“I don’t know.  Do you know how many people she’s bringing?”

“Well she’s pretty literal and she used the words _a couple_ so I’m guessing two.”  Balthazar could see the nervous look in Castiel’s eyes.  “Come on Cassie, Gabriel is going so you will have me and him to talk to, and you and Jo have hit it off so you got her to talk to too.”

“Okay, but you’re going to ask my mom for permission.  You know how she gets.”

“Yes, I know how over protecting your parents are.”

An hour later Castiel was being picked up by a grey SUV.

As soon as Castiel opened the door to the SUV he felt as though the air had been knocked out of him.  Sitting next to Balthazar was Dean. 

Balthazar noticed the panicked look on Castiel’s face and tried to calm him down.  “Hey Cassie, step right in. Come on sit next to me.”

Castiel stepped in and sat next to his cousin.

“So you’ve met Dean here.”  He said while pointing to a sleeping Dean it seemed.  “This guy sitting next to Jo is Ash, her blood brother.”

“Hi” Castiel waved to Ash.

“Hi, Cas.  I’m going to call you that since your name is too long.  Balthazar told me about you, but he left out that you have the most mesmerizing eyes I’ve ever seen.” 

 _I have what? Is he hitting on me?_  Cas thought.

 “WOW look at my poor baby cousin I can see his bright red neck all the way from back here.”  Gabriel chimed in from the back seat.

Castiel didn’t know what to do with such attention so he started fidgeting with his fingers and looked down at his lap.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable Cas.  You can just dismiss what I said, ok?”  Ash tried to chime in when he realized that he had made the poor guy uncomfortable.

“It’s okay.”  Castiel said, barely a whisper but Ash was able to hear it.

“Well, sorry again for… ummm…yeah I’ll just shut up.”

Balthazar put an arm around Castiel’s shoulders and pulled him closer so that he could whisper in his ear. “I believe Ash has a crush on you Cassie.”

“Well if he did, I bet I pretty much flushed it down the toilet with my stupid reaction.”

“Naw, he’s probably just worried that he blew it and that you probably think he’s an ass.”

Castiel turned his attention to Dean who was still knocked out next to Balthazar.  “What’s up with him?”

‘Oh, he’s hung over.  We were out last night and he drank too much.  I’m honestly surprised he’s here.  I would of probably slept until five today if I was him.”  He let out a low chuckle.

Once in the mall the mood of the group got a lot less stressful.  Gabriel made Castiel company while Balthazar and Jo enjoyed their date while Ash and Dean where nowhere to be seen.

“Ash has a crush on you.” Gabriel told Castiel as they shopped for shoes.

“Yeah Balth told me.”

“And you don’t care?  He’s not bad looking, but then again I don’t know what your style is.”  He knew he was testing his luck, but heck it’s the first time that he has seen Castiel get this kind of attention so he was going to push it as much as he could.

“I wish someone else would give me that kind of attention I guess.”

“Who? Dean? I saw the way you were looking at him.”  Castiel didn’t say anything but that was answer enough for Gabriel.

“Cassie, I’ve only known Dean for a month and from what I’ve seen and heard, he’s no good.  He’s out drinking almost every day.  He gets around, if you know what I mean…I mean he has good qualities too, like he watches out for his family and has basically been the bread winner ever since he was 17, and…other stuff, but I don’t know if I would be supportive if he showed interest in you.  I might even try to stop anything from happening between you two.  I’m not saying this to be a dick Cassie, but he’s almost five years older than you and he’s so experienced.  I would be scared that he would take advantage of you.”

Castiel let out an irritable sigh. “Gabe, can we not do this here.  Anyone could be close by and hear us.  I also do not believe you have to worry about it.  He barely showed any interest in me at Uriel’s wedding and has not spoken to me at all today.”

“Okay, just promise me you’ll think this thru.  I mean I know you can’t control a crush, but at least make sure you make smart decisions regarding this topic.”

Castiel put down the pair of Addidas shoes having lost his interest in them and walked out the door.  He was so angry.  First his family wants him to go out and socialize and when he does they get upset for who he chose to socialize with.

The had agreed to meet in the food court at four to eat so since it was 20 minutes to four at the moment he decided to go there and wait.

“Hey Cas”, it was the sexy voice from his cousins wedding that spoke his name.

Castiel turned around to see Dean standing behind him with a couple of bags.

“Hey, what you get?”  Castiel said while pointing to the bags Dean carried.

“Some clothes for me and Sammy.  You didn’t get anything?”

“No, I was looking for some running shoes but nothing caught my eye.  Where’s Ash?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.  Wouldn’t surprise me if he was out talking with one of my exes right now”  He said while walking to a table with six seats and sat down at the far corner pointed at Castiel to take the seat next to him.

 _Well this is awkward._ “Oh?” he said while sitting down.  What was the right thing to say to this?

“Ash has a habit of trying to take what’s not his. Or sabotaging me, whatever works best for him.”

Yeah this was something he did not want to get into.  He had enough drama with his family and wanted nothing to do with this. So he tried to change the subject, he looked at his watch, it was 3:59.

“The rest of the group should be here soon.”  _Stupid!_

Dean started to chuckle.  “You’re awesome Cas, you know that?  You could have asked me more about the subject or you could have added your own perception of my cousin, good or bad.  But you just change the subject.”

Castiel remained silent because, what do you say to that?  Instead he smiled and looked down to his phone and texted Gabriel.

**Me: Food court in the big tables’ area thing.  Please hurry.**

**Gabriel: K**

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you out to dance.”

Castiel looked up from his phone.  “It’s ok. I don’t know how to dance, and we left almost right after you left.”

Castiel was about to look back at his phone but Dean maintained eye contact. “Still, that was rude of me.” 

Just as Castiel was about to tell Dean not to worry Gabriel’s voice filled the air.  “Hey guys, where’s the rest of the gang?”

Dean looked up.  “Don’t know, came here to wait for you guys to show up and found Cas waiting so I joined him, and here we are now.”  Dean still didn’t know how Cas’ rest of the family would react to him talking to Cas, so he felt the need to show that nothing was happening.

“Well I’m starving and don’t feel like waiting, you coming Cassie?”

Castiel wasted no time to join Gabriel.

“Thanks Gabe.”

The day ended uneventful.  But when Castiel got home he had two new friend requests, one from Ash and the other from Dean, which he immediately accepted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't seem to show the same interests in boys as Cas. What will Castiel do? Drown in self pity? Or look for a rebound.

**End of May to Begging of July 2011**

By the end of June it was apparent that Dean was not interested in Cas.  That much was clear.   

 

Cas had the body of a 13 year old.  He wore glasses, could not for the life of him control his hair, and was rarely out with his friends to see Dean.  But most importantly, he was a boy.  Bal had told him Dean was bi, but things didn’t seem that way.

 

Dean was interested in Hannah, one of Balthazar’s friends.  Although Cas was gay, he could see the appeal to Hanna.  Her body was slim and hourglass figured.  Her red hair made her stand out, perfect pale skin, not full of acne and the scars that came with it.  She was desirable.  Plus, she was a social butterfly.  The first time Castiel met her she introduced herself and striked up a conversation.  It was easy to fall into a conversation about nothing with her, yet still be enthralled, which was saying something because his communication skills were ‘rusty’ to say the least.  

 

Hannah and Dean met the week after the gang went to the mall together.  Balthazar had invited Castiel to dinner with his parents and his girlfriend.  Dean had tagged along with Joanna, and ‘coincidently’ Hannah happened to stop by.  Cas knew there was no coincidence.  Ash had taken a picture of the the group at the food court and uploaded it to Facebook.  He figured Hannah asked Jo to help her meet the ‘hottie’ -- as she called any guy she found attractive-- and of course rather than inviting Hannah over to her house, Joanna set them up here.    

 

The whole dinner was a blur to Cas.  He remembered coming over and saying his greetings to everyone.  He remembered being surprised to see Dean, but was proud to have recuperated and greeted him the same way he greeted everyone else.  He remembered sitting down at the dinner table --across from Dean-- and thinking that Dean kept on sending smiles his way.  He remembered the doorbell, Hannah stepping in, the way Dean’s eyes lit up when he saw her, the way Dean’s eyes moved up and down checking her out.  After that everything’s  a blur.  

 

After that day Castiel is afraid to look into his Facebook’s News Feed.  He’s afraid because at least once a week there is a new picture of Dean and Hannah.  They’re not alone, they’re always out with friends, but they’re always side by side. 

 

It hurt Cas.  But Ash was helping him overcome it.  Ever since the Facebook add they talked every day.  Even if it was a simple ‘Good Morning’ or ‘Good Night’ message.   Cas wished he could talk more to him, but his parents wouldn’t let him get a cell phone, they only let him borrow his mom’s cell whenever he had a soccer game, or an event for his Franciscan Pilgrimage to Italy the December coming up.  He felt suffocated.  Ash had suggested he’d get him a cell under his plan (so Castiel’s parent wouldn't know) and would pay for it himself so that they could always be in touch.  But this was way too much.  Castiel felt as though he wasn't worth the trouble,  plus he felt bad about taking advantage of Ash’s feelings, knowing he couldn't fully reciprocate what the 19 year old boy felt.  

 

But Cas was interested.  He’d never been in a real relationship and wanted to give it a shot with Ash.  They ended up agreeing on seeing each other on the first Saturday of July.  Cas’ school was having a car wash fundraiser for his upcoming pilgrimage.  There were three timeslots to be filled.  7-11, 11-3, and 3-6.  Castiel lied to his parents and said he’d stay 7-3 and was getting a ride back with Balthazar. He’d go to the fundraiser from 7-11 and spend the rest of the time with Ash.  He’d pick him up and drop him off at Balthazar’s so his cousin could take him home. 

 

During his shift in the fundraiser he told two of his friends his plans, Koba and Ashley.  They were both excited for him.  Nervous for the lie to his parents, but excited.  They understood that his parents would probably not like Cas to socialize with someone who didn't go to college.   But knowing his parent’s strict rules, they were still afraid of him getting caught.  

 

When 11 came around Cas went to Sister Celeste to write down the hours he worked and headed off to the school’s entrance to wait for Ash, only to find, he was already there.  Ash was laying  against the passenger door of a red 2007 Camaro.

 

Was that butterflies Cas felt in his stomach?  Before he caught himself he was smiling at Ash,  probably stupidly.  But didn't care because Ash was smiling back.

 

“Hey Cas,” Ash said, enveloping Castiel in a hug.

 

God, Ash smelled so good and his head felt perfectly against Ash’s chest.  “Hey Ash,” Cas said, taking a step back.  “I missed you, haven't seen you in like a month,” he found that he truly missed Ash.

 

Ash smiled and lifted his hand to Cas’ cheek, “me too, should we get going?,” Ash asked as he opened the door for Cas.

 

“Sure,” Cas responded, sitting himself in the car and waiting for Ash to close the door. 

 

As they headed off Cas spotted his friends in the school’s parking lot entrance with big smiles plastered on their faces.  

 

During the car ride they caught up on their lives.  They had talked about that on Facebook, but being in person was different.  They fit together quite nicely.  Cas had brought some homemade cookies and rice crispies treats  to share with Ash--the school was selling them in the car wash.  They ended up going to a lake near by and walked around aimlessly, just passing the time.  

 

It was getting close to the time Ash had to drop off Cas.  They were dancing around the subject.  Cas was staring at Ash when all of the sudden he was enveloped in a hug and his lips were being attacked by Ash’s.  It took a moment for Cas to reciprocate, he was stunned.  He hooked his arms around Ash’s neck and let him lead the kiss.  It was different from the other two boys he had previously kissed.  The first boy had only been pecks on the lips and the second boy had been open mouthed, but no tongue was used.  Ash was using tongue.  It was a weird sensation at first, but he then found himself moaning the next time Ash slipped his tongue in his mouth.

 

Cas’ back was pressed against a tree when they stopped kissing, he didn't know how they ended up like that, but he found he didn't care. Cas kept his eyes closed, trying to control his breathing, and what he felt hardening between his legs.  When Castiel opened his eyes Ash was intensely staring at him.  

 

“What?,” the young boy asked.

 

Ash smiled, “You have beautiful eye, you know that?  I can see my reflection in them.”

 

“You can?”

 

The older boy chuckled, “yeah.”  He cleared his throat and lowered his gaze to the ground, “I think its time a take you to Bal’s.”

 

Cas grunted, “I don't want to go.”

 

“Don’t pout.  I don't want to get you in trouble,”  Ash said with a hint of humour in his voice.  He stood and held out his hand for Cas to take.  

 

Castiel stared at it for a minute, because, what did that mean?  Nonetheless he took it.  They walked back to the car hand in hand.  Neither one broke the silence, until they were in front of the car.

 

“I enjoyed today,” Ash finally spoke as he reached to open Cas’ door.

 

“Me too.”

 

It looked like Ash was trying to say something but instead he reached for Cas’ cheek with his right hand.  When Cas looked him in the eyes Ash leaned in to give him a peck on the lips and opened the passenger door.  

 

The ride back to Balthazar’s was filled with conversation.  They talked about what their goals in life were.  Ash wanted to open a Bar just like his dad’s, but in the meantime he helped his dad out. That way he could also learn tricks to running his own one in the future   Back then Cas had wanted to go off to a college anywhere as long as it was far from home.  He wanted to study international business so he could travel the world.  But those were just dreams, it didn't actually plan out.

 

When they got to Balthazar’s place, Castiel’s cousin was already waiting outside in the porch for him.  Ash leaned in and gave Cas one last peck on the lips before Cas got out of the car.

 

Cas could already see the big grin Balthazar was carrying. Bal met him in the sidewalk with a big hug and they both waved off Ash as he left.   

 

“Soooo….how did it go?,” Bal’s excitement could barely be contained.  

 

Cas couldn't conceal his excitement either.  He smiled, “it went great.”

 

“Aww Cassie, so are you guys an item?”

 

An item, what the heck was that?  He tilted his head.

 

Balthazar made a face of annoyance. “Is he your boyfriend?”

 

“Ah, no.  We’re… we’re getting to know each other first.”  Ash and him hadn't talked about it, but Cas could guess that much.  If Ash wanted him to be his boyfriend he probably would have asked by now.  

 

Balthazar stared intently.  “Well tell him that, I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looked at you right now.  It’s good to want to take things slow.  Just make sure you’re both on the same page.”

 

“Yeah, I will.”

 

Bal put his arm around Cas’ shoulder and gave him a big grin.  “Alright, let's get you home before your mom starts bombarding my phone with calls and texts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to post this as soon as I was done writing it because otherwise I would take another month to do so. So excuse the spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to point them out.

**Author's Note:**

> So this might have a lot of grammatical and spelling errors but I felt like if I didn't post it now I never would. Feel free to let me know if you catch any.


End file.
